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  • Writer's pictureEloina Haines

Fragment: I Can Feed Myself

This fragment mainly emerged from an image in the video played in my first fragment ( of a baby sucking a mother's nipple with a quick change of shot to a man sucking the same nipple in a sexual way. I became interested in the cross-over between sexual desire and natural instinctive desire for survival. However I found the latter more interesting. I began thinking about the primitive necessity of the relationship between mother and child. This led to thinking about my continuing reliance on my mother but in an emotional way rather than survival as you grow older. This reliance scares me a lot, and so does her reliance on me, considering it has mainly been the two of us surviving together for all of my life. I want to explore self-sufficiency and the moments where disconnect happens naturally or as a necessity.

This piece consisted of me spitting out milk onto my own nipples so it dropped down my body then attempting to suck my own nipple and breastfeed myself.

Rachel Gomme's feedback to this piece was: 'Uneasy delight' and 'I can feed myself'

The first comment describes exactly the tone I want for my piece - the contrast between uncomfortable and satisfying joy. The second is a summary of the self-sufficiency I do or do not seek.

This led to the development of my work in progress 'Self-Catered Meal for One' (more details found in Past Performances page).

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